In the aftermath of trauma and abusive relationships, it’s not uncommon to find ourselves fragmented, our sense of self scattered and obscured by the weight of shame and self-blame. As we navigate the healing process, one of the most profound acts of self-love we can undertake is to embrace those parts of ourselves that we’ve shamed away.
Abuse, whether psychological, emotional, or physical, has a way of distorting our perception of self. We internalise the narratives of our abusers, adopting their criticisms and condemnations as our own. In an effort to protect ourselves, we push certain aspects of our identity into the shadows, deeming them unworthy or unlovable.
It’s hard to offer love to the parts of ourselves that we have hidden away due to someone else’s behaviour. Still to this day, I catch myself in moments of hating parts of me and hiding away. This is a
The knee jerk reaction to shame is to hide. Whatever part of it is showing up, we bury it and hide it away for all the world to see. But healing transforms when we dare to shine a light into those dark shadows of shame, that being said – it is incredibly difficult to show the shamed parts love. This is when safe spaces and co-regulation can be so incredible in your healing journey. Feeling safe can lead to authentic expression, the judgment lessens over time as we learn to see the beauty in the shamed parts of ourselves.
This is a process of radical self-acceptance, a journey of reclaiming all that we are, even the parts that evoke discomfort or shame, however in this we need to begin by taking radical accountability.
Radical accountability is where healing begins. Yes they hurt you, and now you have the power to thrive going forward with your story.
So how do we begin this journey of embracing our shame?
Self-compassion and KINDNESS
First and foremost, it requires compassion and kindness – for ourselves and for the parts of us that we’ve cast aside. I invite you to become aware in the moments where you notice the shame. What is going on for you? However, how do we begin to offer ourselves kindness when we don’t know how? This podcast episode can offer some insights in this process.
In time, the goal is to recognise that these aspects of ourselves are not inherently flawed or defective; they are simply wounded, yearning to be seen, heard, and held with tenderness.
Safe spaces: therapy and group work
Therapy and group work can be a crucial tool in this process, providing a safe and supportive space to explore our depths and unravel the tangled knots of shame. In safe spaces we can lean towards seeing and challenging the beliefs and narratives that have kept us imprisoned, guiding us toward a more compassionate and integrated sense of self. Safe spaces and co-regulation can be so incredible in your healing journey. Feeling safe can lead to authentic expression, the judgment lessens over time as we learn to see the beauty in the shamed parts of ourselves.
Creative expression can also be a powerful ally on this journey. Whether through art, writing, music, or movement, we can give voice to the parts of ourselves that have long been silenced, allowing them to express their pain, their rage, their longing for healing.
Cultivating a self practice
And perhaps most importantly, we must cultivate a practice of self-love and self-care. This means setting boundaries that honour our needs and prioritise our well-being, surrounding ourselves with people who uplift and support us, and nurturing ourselves with kindness and gentleness.
As we extend love and acceptance to the shamed parts of ourselves, we begin to weave together the fractured pieces of our identity, creating wholeness and resilience. We discover that our scars are not symbols of brokenness, but testaments to our strength and our capacity for transformation.
In embracing the shamed, we reclaim our power. We reclaim our worthiness. We reclaim our right to live fully and authentically, allowing freedom from the chains of self-doubt and self-rejection. And in doing so, we pave the way for a future defined not by our past traumas, but by our boundless potential for growth, healing, and love.
Are you interested in learning more about embracing your shame? Being able to lean into authenticity and drive towards fully expressed life – let’s chat!
